OPENING NIGHT IS UPON US

While I didn't get to my goal of writing up an off-season report for all MLB teams, I tried my best. And since all this wonderful content is free for my discerning readers, you should be thankful I generated as much text as I did.

Now the season is upon us. There's not much else left to say. We've picked our fantasy sleepers. We're praying Bonds' knee gets him to 715. We purchased our MLB.tv package. We have watched archived preseason games in anticipation. I have tickets to one Yankees game. No, you can't come with me.

With the shadow of George "Stool Pigeon" Mitchell's steroid investigation is upon us, we still won't have trouble appreciating Rickie Weeks' bat waggle, Ryan Howard's HR stare, or Josh Beckett's PMS. We are certain to have a Randy Johnson temper tantrum, Giambino suspicions, and Willie Randolph on the hot seat here in New York. Then there are the all time greats, the Pujols and the Joneses, the Ortizes and Shawn Greens. We'll have the likely greatest player in history, Alex Rodriguez, to make all the controversy seem moot when he becomes the one to smash any and all career home run records at some point in the next ten years.

Yes, let the season begin. And God, please let me win all my fantasy leagues and pocket $600. Amen.